I don't think I fit the mold of a parent to a child with Downs. So many things seem to bug me, some coming straight from other parents in the same situation. With specialized levels of political correctness facing me in this new society, I've felt doomed to be an outcast, even in the support groups. But there is hope.
I read this article called "You Will Dream New Dreams". This woman went to tons of online forums oriented around different disabilities and asked parents what they liked to hear, and what they didn't like to hear when people were responding to their child. Of the Top Five Worst Responses, three are among my pet peeves.
I'm not the only one who feels this way! I'm not so different after all!
This list brought another important taboo to my attention, too. Even 'positive' stereotypes are negative. Children with Down syndrome are assumed to be happy, extra loving, and joyful. The article says:
I can honestly say that not one day goes by [unless] someone feels compelled to tell me, "They’re such happy and loving children." Well, aren’t all children? One parent wrote, "What about when they’re no longer children? Oh great I’ll have a 35 year old child." Another said, "Yes he smiles, he also has temper tantrums.
He gets happy AND sad. He doesn’t just live in his own little world."
I'm so glad to hear this. Just three days ago, I found myself saying this to a friend: "I've heard children with Down syndrome tend to be so loving and accepting. But I have a hard time imaging a child more loving than Her Nibs. She spontaneously kisses, hugs and proclaims her affection. Sometimes she bursts out jubilantly 'Isn't it wonderful being a family?!'" I just hope Lizard Loaf is as happy and loving as Her Nibs.
Side Note: Since Lizard Loaf is due in October, and we are being optimistic about his health, Her Nibs has already planned our Halloween costumes. She will be Princess Leia, Lizard Loaf will be Luke Skywalker, I will be Queen Amidala, and Turtar will be Darth Vader. We will all have light sabers, too, though I'll have to carry Lizard Loaf's of course.
4 comments:
Thanks for posting this article. Maybe I should have read it before my last comment. One part had me in tears:
One Mother told me, "We put our baby in temporary foster care for the first month of his life. We were devastated and needed to read up on Down Syndrome and find out about it. We didn’t want to become too attached to the baby in case we decided to give him up for adoption. Our 7 year old made the decision for us when he asked his father, "Dad, If I break will you send me away? I’ll help with the baby if he’s broken."
So I'll keep it short and just say "Ditto" to everything in the article. God love you, and He loves Lizard Loaf/Luke Skywalker. And He *will* give you strength.
I meant "God loves you." Maybe He just wanted me to type it again for you. :o)
Thanks Alyssa. I'm glad you found our blog. I wish I'd found this article before I'd sent out the news about Lizard Loaf, too. I'd been looking for a guide...
Fortunately, either most people have been responding well to our news or I just haven't been offended by them because I know they mean well and I feel confident about Mermaid as a person. I did have a neighbor address the abortion issue with me today. She accepted that it was against my entire life view, but left me feeling like she thought I was a saintly martyr to my world view. I don't feel like a martyr or a saint. I'm just crazy in love with my (sometimes cranky) little Mermaid.
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